I don't know what my fear is. I just am scared of being still. I tried this today, and found that my fingers started twitching, I could feel the desire to fidget going down from my head to my toes. I think this is partly why I pick. I need to constantly DO something to relax. I can't just be still, and enjoy the moment of still silence. Well I think I'm going to try to change that. I'm going to try five minutes a day this week, and then 10 minutes a day this week. I am going to focus on the room around me, the way everything sounds, the way everything looks, and the way I feel, even if I don't feel anything at all. Maybe practice makes perfect. Maybe over time I will be able to embrace the stillness, and not feel the constant burning desire to move my hands. Maybe it's okay to be silent and still, if just for a few moments. All I know is that I NEED to get better. I think I've come to a point where my desire to get better has surpassed my desire to pick at something. I want to feel beautiful again, and if that means I have to be still, well then so be it.
Thanks Erin.
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