Forever Marked

By the way, check out this book!

http://www.amazon.com/Forever-Marked-A-Dermatillomania-Diary/dp/0557188547/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335814418&sr=8-1

Be Still, and Well.....That's all

I don't know what my fear is.  I just am scared of being still.  I tried this today, and found that my fingers started twitching, I could feel the desire to fidget going down from my head to my toes.  I think this is partly why I pick.  I need to constantly DO something to relax.  I can't just be still, and enjoy the moment of still silence.  Well I think I'm going to try to change that.  I'm going to try five minutes a day this week, and then 10 minutes a day this week.  I am going to focus on the room around me, the way everything sounds, the way everything looks, and the way I feel, even if I don't feel anything at all.  Maybe practice makes perfect.  Maybe over time I will be able to embrace the stillness, and not feel the constant burning desire to move my hands.  Maybe it's okay to be silent and still, if just for a few moments.  All I know is that I NEED to get better.  I think I've come to a point where my desire to get better has surpassed my desire to pick at something.  I want to feel beautiful again, and if that means I have to be still, well then so be it.

Thanks Erin.

getting there

So day three and its starting to look better!

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day two

Getting a little better but still sore and infected.

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work in progress

My hubby decided to cover my sores on my back with bandages.  It was getting really infected and sore.

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Two steps forward and well...that's all

My face is finally starting to heal! I'm starting to be able to look in the mirror again without shuddering.  Still though, there are some spots that I can't get over. I'm thinking it's a hump that just takes some time to get over.  I dig my pick into the earth and pull with all my might.  I can see the top of the mountain but it's taking all my strength to get there.  Good thing God gives me strength and renews it daily.

Life on the flip side...

Well world, sorry its been so long, I guess you can say I've been neglecting my recovery.  But I'm starting fresh, and I'm digging down deep to find the motivation to get better.  Lately, I've been trying to go in a different direction.  I stopped searching for the why's in life, and started thinking about the how's.  I stopped dwelling on why I do what I do, but on how I can fix it, how I can become a better woman, a better Christian, and a better mom.  Sometimes it's not important to think about why, it's important to look into the future, and HOW you are going to get there.  The best road isn't always the one with the least resistence, sometimes there are a lot of bumps and twists and turns.  Sometimes, life throws you a curveball, and you have to figure out where you are, pull out your map, and think about how to get where you want to be.  Here's what I've been trying to do:  little goals at a time.  I've been taking baby steps, I've been finding little things to occupy my mind, and my hands.  Slowly I find things that can comfort me in different ways.  It's all about finding the ideas that work for you.  I've been playing with silly putty whenever I feel like picking at something.  Whenever I feel my hands wandering to my face, I go for my silly putty.  I work with it until my hands get sore.  Also, I've started a project.  I've picked up crocheting again.  I'm focusing on learning new stitches, and I keep my goal in mind.  I'm making a blanket!  This isn't practical for when I'm at work or driving or anything, but it works when I'm home, and idle.  It's important to find a new passion and a new direction.  Re-shoot your azimuth, and head towards the same goal, with a different means.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise!  God bless you and be with you on your journey!