Some strange kind of motivation

So I can't help but notice that when I haven't blogged in a while, I sort of lose my focus.  It's almost as though blogging gets stuff off my chest.  Stuff that weighs heavy, though it's undefined, still clutters up all the tiny places in my mind.  This week I've learned something valuable...terrifying though it may seem, I plan to use it to change me.  I am completely out of control.  The harder I try, the less I succeed.  It's almost like I'm fighting against myself.  I want so bad to feel better, to look better, to be better, but despite my efforts, I just can't overcome it.  A friend of mine related it to quitting cigarettes.  You have to really want it.  Well that's all fine and good, because I want it, I can feel myself wanting it, deep in the pit of my gut, but it's not seeming to work.  I could use some encouragement this week.   I wish I had all the time in the world, because if I did, I would spend it on my knees in prayer, and petition, for healing, for grace.  For forgiveness.  I think we all have little triggers, tiny little things that set us into a downward spiral.  This week, I've come face to face with mine.  Little old me against Goliath, and Goliath is in the lead.  So here goes nothing....let's get the stone and sling.