Life on the flip side...

Well world, sorry its been so long, I guess you can say I've been neglecting my recovery.  But I'm starting fresh, and I'm digging down deep to find the motivation to get better.  Lately, I've been trying to go in a different direction.  I stopped searching for the why's in life, and started thinking about the how's.  I stopped dwelling on why I do what I do, but on how I can fix it, how I can become a better woman, a better Christian, and a better mom.  Sometimes it's not important to think about why, it's important to look into the future, and HOW you are going to get there.  The best road isn't always the one with the least resistence, sometimes there are a lot of bumps and twists and turns.  Sometimes, life throws you a curveball, and you have to figure out where you are, pull out your map, and think about how to get where you want to be.  Here's what I've been trying to do:  little goals at a time.  I've been taking baby steps, I've been finding little things to occupy my mind, and my hands.  Slowly I find things that can comfort me in different ways.  It's all about finding the ideas that work for you.  I've been playing with silly putty whenever I feel like picking at something.  Whenever I feel my hands wandering to my face, I go for my silly putty.  I work with it until my hands get sore.  Also, I've started a project.  I've picked up crocheting again.  I'm focusing on learning new stitches, and I keep my goal in mind.  I'm making a blanket!  This isn't practical for when I'm at work or driving or anything, but it works when I'm home, and idle.  It's important to find a new passion and a new direction.  Re-shoot your azimuth, and head towards the same goal, with a different means.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise!  God bless you and be with you on your journey!

Find your Bliss

What is something you love to do?  Something that makes you more happy, more relaxed than anything else in the world?  Something you do by yourself to relax, put your mind at ease?  I think it is essential that we all have something we love, that we do several times a week, or whenever it's needed.  For me, it's swimming.  When I'm in a pool, I feel like I am flying, I could stay in a pool for hours, and when I get out, I feel like I could take on anything.  I feel strong, invincible, calm and happy.  When I'm swimming, nothing else is going through my head.  I'm just one with the water, almost like I'm meditating, but I'm not.   So my challenge to you today, is to find what you love, and move towards it.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

1 Peter 1:3

accidents happen...

So, something I've learned lately, is that sometimes, you really have no control.  Sometimes accidents happen, and there is nothing we can do about it.  The point is, when those accidents happen, you deal with it, bandage it up, and move on, better and braver than you were before.  We can't always stop everything bad from happening, but we can choose to not inflict anything bad on ourselves intentionally.  We get upset with every little accident, but it doesn't bother us in the slightest when we cause harm to ourselves.  Why is that?

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You can be my anti-drug, and I can be your verb. Together lets be actions words!

So today, as we look in the mirrors, the goal is to think about someone besides ourselves.  Take a moment, as you look at your face, and think of who gives you a reason to get better.  Who do you want to heal for, besides you?  As I look at me today, I think of my little daughter.  I think, when she's ten years old, I don't want her to start picking her face, or arms.  I don't want her to say, "mommy, why is there always an owie on your face?"  Today I am going to let my love for her motivate me to be better.  Think of a person that you would do anything for, and do it for them.  Sometimes just doing something for yourself doesn't hit home hard enough.   Think of a person you care enough for, that it would break your heart if they cried for you, and then don't let them.

liquid bandaids....what I need is liquid courage

So I've been thinking lately, I'm afraid to kick my problem.  I feel like I have slowly begun to define myself by it.  I'm just that picking girl, the one with the scars.  I think I'm afraid of who I will be without it.  What is it like to just be beautiful without bandaids? What will I do instead? How will I fill these countless hours that for over a decade, have been spent picking, and scratching at myself? How do I start from scratch?

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I get by with a little help from my friends....DAY FIVE

Maria Mills.....my amazing cousin in-law, I just want to say thank you for encouraging me the other day.  You have no idea what your kind words meant to me.  If you can, please keep up with it! Sometimes just a simple little message can make a world of difference, just knowing that someone believes in me, makes me suddenly believe in myself. 

Today I want you to think about someone besides you.  Take a day and stop thinking about you, your picking, or any of your other problems.  I want you to stop and encourage someone.  It doesn't need to be someone you know really well, it could just be a random stranger at the local K-Mart.  Just stop, and say something encouraging to them, show them God loves them, and so do you. You will be surprised how much of an impact it will have.


And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
-Hebrews 10: 24-25  

Some strange kind of motivation

So I can't help but notice that when I haven't blogged in a while, I sort of lose my focus.  It's almost as though blogging gets stuff off my chest.  Stuff that weighs heavy, though it's undefined, still clutters up all the tiny places in my mind.  This week I've learned something valuable...terrifying though it may seem, I plan to use it to change me.  I am completely out of control.  The harder I try, the less I succeed.  It's almost like I'm fighting against myself.  I want so bad to feel better, to look better, to be better, but despite my efforts, I just can't overcome it.  A friend of mine related it to quitting cigarettes.  You have to really want it.  Well that's all fine and good, because I want it, I can feel myself wanting it, deep in the pit of my gut, but it's not seeming to work.  I could use some encouragement this week.   I wish I had all the time in the world, because if I did, I would spend it on my knees in prayer, and petition, for healing, for grace.  For forgiveness.  I think we all have little triggers, tiny little things that set us into a downward spiral.  This week, I've come face to face with mine.  Little old me against Goliath, and Goliath is in the lead.  So here goes nothing....let's get the stone and sling.